assalamualaikum...peace be upon you
I am in sadness and in lost...
Tonight, is the 27th night of ramadhan. It is a great night. But not to me. Tonight I have lost the battle against my nafsu. I have sinned. I have wasted the night with deeds that should not be done.
I am in sadness and in lost...
I only managed to get two rakaat of tahajjud and two rakaat of taubah. Sincerity? I don't know - don't dare say. The only thing that i knew is that I am truly ashamed and truly embarresed to ask him for anything. In my heart right now I only pray and hope that HE will forgive and guide me back to HIS path.
RABBI ANSURNI! RABBI! SUBHANAKA INNI KUNTU MINAL DHZOLIMIIN. RABBI! LA HAWALA KUWATA ILLA BILLAH HIL A'LIUL A'ZIMM.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Saturday, October 29, 2005
the happier i am...
assalamualaikum...peace be upon you
yup! i am a happy man. have no riches, no matter - have lots and lts of good friends. have no looks, no matter - have lots and lots of knowledge.
but the things that makes me hapiest -
1. Ranadhan is ending and for the first time in my 29 years of god blessed existence, i manage to fll the ends with ibadah.
2. people like you who are reading this.
love you guys and love you GOD!
yup! i am a happy man. have no riches, no matter - have lots and lts of good friends. have no looks, no matter - have lots and lots of knowledge.
but the things that makes me hapiest -
1. Ranadhan is ending and for the first time in my 29 years of god blessed existence, i manage to fll the ends with ibadah.
2. people like you who are reading this.
love you guys and love you GOD!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
the harder it is being human....
assalamualaikum...peace be upon you
the hard part of being human are -
1. to be gratefull
2. to be good
3. to repent our inner evil and sins
4. to love trough god's eyes
5. to talk to god (you usually do this tru prayers)
6. to smile
7. to pray for others (really, it ain't that hard - just give and answer salam DUH!)
8. to smile when hickups come visiting.
At the time i'm writing number eight, the princess called. Apparently, she has just finished wacthing "Kate & Leopold" on Astro. Usually, her voice would bring joy to my heart. But not tonight.
Tonight, she is really annoying.
She went on rambling about how she have always wanted a man like leopold. Heck! What am I here? A "pak pacak" in our liltle "movie". That statement really push all my "red buttons" - I mean really.
Then oddly, I heard a whisper in my blackened heart.
"Look back at what you wrote" it says.
And I did just that.
The first thought that came in my heart. Forgive me GOD. I forgot that both of us are mere human. For most of the people out there, they might say - "HUKELLEH! ITU PUN NAK KEPOH KE MAT!" (whats so great about that?). But if you think and reflect back carefully, this just show how mysterious God works. To think - at the very time I'm writing those eight item, my patience is being tested.
HE reminded me that I'm human.
LOVE YOU GOD.
the hard part of being human are -
1. to be gratefull
2. to be good
3. to repent our inner evil and sins
4. to love trough god's eyes
5. to talk to god (you usually do this tru prayers)
6. to smile
7. to pray for others (really, it ain't that hard - just give and answer salam DUH!)
8. to smile when hickups come visiting.
At the time i'm writing number eight, the princess called. Apparently, she has just finished wacthing "Kate & Leopold" on Astro. Usually, her voice would bring joy to my heart. But not tonight.
Tonight, she is really annoying.
She went on rambling about how she have always wanted a man like leopold. Heck! What am I here? A "pak pacak" in our liltle "movie". That statement really push all my "red buttons" - I mean really.
Then oddly, I heard a whisper in my blackened heart.
"Look back at what you wrote" it says.
And I did just that.
The first thought that came in my heart. Forgive me GOD. I forgot that both of us are mere human. For most of the people out there, they might say - "HUKELLEH! ITU PUN NAK KEPOH KE MAT!" (whats so great about that?). But if you think and reflect back carefully, this just show how mysterious God works. To think - at the very time I'm writing those eight item, my patience is being tested.
HE reminded me that I'm human.
LOVE YOU GOD.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
The more I wonder....
Assalamualaikum...peace be upon you...
on what defines us as a person...
Is it the clothes that we wear? The books that we read? The company that we keep? The amount of wealth that we own? What defines us as a person? To me, a person should never be defined trough the material things that we have. A person should be define by the quality of the heart and soul that we have. All trough out history, we have been shown that, the poorer the soul - the more beast-like we are. Money becomes the instrument to smoothen the acts of evil. Knowledge becomes the catalyst for hatred and war. People turns into pawns of destruction. Love becomes hate.
are we evil?
Not to me. The prophet have said that we are born as pure as a white linen. Our parents colors us. But then, our parents should not be blamed for the evil that we do. God have created us so beautifully.
HE gave us brains...
The irony of things is that - we never, or rarely use them properly. By properly, I mean to say that most of us, including me, fails to think about the things, events and nature around us. When we observe all these things - godwillingly we would become enlighten. We will improve the quality of our soul and our hearts.
It has been almost a month since my return home from HIS kingdom. I felt reborn. I have no anger nor hatred in my self. If only those whom I call friends, family and love could feel what I'm feeling now. Its liberating. No more fears. No more tears.
I love U...
I have finally find the true meanings of these three words. I know now, to really love some one is to see them trough GODs' eyes.
See them not as only flesh and blood.
See them as a task given to us to win HIS love.
Yes, the love of GOD need to be won over. But it is nothing similar to winning the love of a person. A flesh might hurt us. A flesh might betray us. A flesh might use us.
Never GOD. Never ever GOD.
I love u GOD.
on what defines us as a person...
Is it the clothes that we wear? The books that we read? The company that we keep? The amount of wealth that we own? What defines us as a person? To me, a person should never be defined trough the material things that we have. A person should be define by the quality of the heart and soul that we have. All trough out history, we have been shown that, the poorer the soul - the more beast-like we are. Money becomes the instrument to smoothen the acts of evil. Knowledge becomes the catalyst for hatred and war. People turns into pawns of destruction. Love becomes hate.
are we evil?
Not to me. The prophet have said that we are born as pure as a white linen. Our parents colors us. But then, our parents should not be blamed for the evil that we do. God have created us so beautifully.
HE gave us brains...
The irony of things is that - we never, or rarely use them properly. By properly, I mean to say that most of us, including me, fails to think about the things, events and nature around us. When we observe all these things - godwillingly we would become enlighten. We will improve the quality of our soul and our hearts.
It has been almost a month since my return home from HIS kingdom. I felt reborn. I have no anger nor hatred in my self. If only those whom I call friends, family and love could feel what I'm feeling now. Its liberating. No more fears. No more tears.
I love U...
I have finally find the true meanings of these three words. I know now, to really love some one is to see them trough GODs' eyes.
See them not as only flesh and blood.
See them as a task given to us to win HIS love.
Yes, the love of GOD need to be won over. But it is nothing similar to winning the love of a person. A flesh might hurt us. A flesh might betray us. A flesh might use us.
Never GOD. Never ever GOD.
I love u GOD.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Just read...
Assalamualaikum...
Alhamdullilah...that's all I can say. You see, I'm the rotten type. But being as rotten as I am, HE never failed me in any whatsoever sense at all. HE always give and give and give.
To prove it...
Even in this holy month, I have marred my existance with acts of defiance - don't ask me to elaborate, its for me to know. But never have HE made my life hard. Everything have always been smooth. No hickups. Not like the life I have before I went to HIS kingdom.
Odd?
No lah. One thing I was thought by HIM when I was in HIS kingdom was to always, always accept the fact that I am a mere human. I'll my mistakes, I'll sinned. But then, in being human, HE has also remind and thought me to never give up faith in HIS benevolence and love. The more sins I make, the more I have to ask for HIS forgiveness. But that doesn't warrants me to sinned - its just that I have to accept the fact that I'm human. It means that to NEVER - and I do mean NEVER - to give up on HIS grace that one day - one beautiful fine day - I'll truly be HIS servant. One who would repent sins. One who would really bow to HIM.
ALHAMDULILLAH...that's all I can say.
Alhamdullilah...that's all I can say. You see, I'm the rotten type. But being as rotten as I am, HE never failed me in any whatsoever sense at all. HE always give and give and give.
To prove it...
Even in this holy month, I have marred my existance with acts of defiance - don't ask me to elaborate, its for me to know. But never have HE made my life hard. Everything have always been smooth. No hickups. Not like the life I have before I went to HIS kingdom.
Odd?
No lah. One thing I was thought by HIM when I was in HIS kingdom was to always, always accept the fact that I am a mere human. I'll my mistakes, I'll sinned. But then, in being human, HE has also remind and thought me to never give up faith in HIS benevolence and love. The more sins I make, the more I have to ask for HIS forgiveness. But that doesn't warrants me to sinned - its just that I have to accept the fact that I'm human. It means that to NEVER - and I do mean NEVER - to give up on HIS grace that one day - one beautiful fine day - I'll truly be HIS servant. One who would repent sins. One who would really bow to HIM.
ALHAMDULILLAH...that's all I can say.